Today

I know I really need to blog about Christmas and post all of the great pictures from those couple of weeks, but today Kylie had another Renal (kidney) appointment down in the med center.  She had an ultrasound on her kidney done down in the hospital and then a doctor's appointment after.  Sounds fairly easy, but you see she hates doctors and scrubs and basically anything resembling doctors and scrubs and any instruments they may use.  We were there for approximately 4.5 hours and that didn't include the half hour trip each way to get there.  I want to thank my great friends who helped so much with the older two kids, while I was there.

So basically, the day sucked much like I thought it would.  She screamed uncontrollably for most of the time and they tried to draw blood and couldn't once again.  Also, the nurse placed the bag on her and then the intern put her diaper back on wrong, (to catch her pee) she instead peed all over me and we had to wait an additional half hour and two catheters later until they finally had enough pee to test.  Sick topic I know, but I promise I have a point...

So, she has been having these appointments twice a year now since birth and I dread them more than anything.  I was crying last night knowing what kind of day was coming and I came home completely exhausted.  (Of course, pregnancy hormones would not have anything to do with any of that!)  However, for a moment, when I first arrived at the hospital and I was dreading all the hours ahead, I had a minute to forget myself and realize it's not as bad as it was...

I got in the elevator to head to the pediatrics floor of the hospital and a woman carrying a bag of take-out got in with me.  In that split second before she and I hit the elevator buttons,  I saw her face and I knew exactly where she was going.  Hair stringy, no make-up, pure exhaustion and a look of lost hope filled her entire body.  She hit the 9th floor button.  I HATE the 9th floor of that hospital.  The NICU. That 9th floor has a distinct smell that I will never forget.  I wish I would have said something to her.  I didn't know what to say.  The elevator climbed up, my eyes filled with tears and I prayed for her and the child she is longing to bring home.  She silently got out and I kept going up.

I am grateful for moments of perspective and memories and the blessing of having Kylie home with us.  My heart goes out to anyone of you who might ever or who has ever had to endure time with a child in the NICU and I truly hope I never ever get off on that floor again.